About Me
About Memiami!!
interesting trip so far... i feel like a total idiot! i dont feel like typing on my phone tho..
Mood: i should be darwin'd i'm that stupid...
this weekend was a lot of fun. started off friday. spending it with a friend, going to his place and just hanging out. not really doing anything, hanging out with his roommate, watching random movies and chatting. mostly chatting. he insisted on me staying, but I had to go home and go to work the next day.
after work, I went home, showered & dressed. and headed over to my friend's place again. that night we went to flushing to meetup with my crush and her friend, we ended up being about an hour late because of traffic. we ate hotpot and had lots of fun! I found out later that I made my crush sad, since I would be so sad around her. and the last time I saw her, it's safe to say that it was my lowest point. in her eyes I seemed to have changed to a happier person!! afterwards we went to drink coffee since we got out of dinner around 1130. a minor altercation with the parking lot attendant, where I forgot to leave my key and picked up my car late... we stopped by a place for some coffee/tea, since I needed caffeine for the ride home. dropped off the girls. driving my friend back to his place, he was intrigued by my driving style. we got home around 2am. I slept over... only to be woken up...
AT 4 AM!! roommate come home drunk and wanted to hang out. I'm not allowed to say what happened... 2 hrs later... we were able to sleep again!! I will say that it was fun...
the next morning I woke up and chatted with my crush for a little bit... my friend was nowhere to be seen, I thought he would wake me up. I debated with her if I should knock on the roommate's door and say that I'm leaving... she said no. I felt weird for just leaving. but then again it would be weird for a semi stranger to knock on UR door. I was on the way out and putting on my shoes when she saw me and stopped me. I had that... oh shit she's coming please don't see me moment. but she asked me... why are U leaving? I felt weird being here without my friend. she asked me to stay, so I did. we just hung out. doing more random stuff... she got upset at her friend and started to cry. I'm not allowed to disclose the drunk incident... so I don't think I can really talk about what happened... but I comforted as best I could. it turned out that her friend is ok so she was happy again! comforting her made me miss being with someone
Mood: feel empty without someone...
why do we fall?
I have to tell myself so many times not to fall deeper. pretty much anything to rationalize how I'm feeling. telling myself to stop and that I'm crazy.
saturday night I went to a party, it was lots of fun. lots of chatting and laughter. a little bit of work talk since it was a work party. but it was few and far between.
since I feel like I haven't been getting a good workout anymore, I had to up the resistance... I'm getting a little concerned now, I'm at 9/10 levels. If I keep going at the rate I'm going I'll probably need to do something in about a year.
Mood: I'm crazy
rediscovery
I tend to change when I'm with someone. I try to be accommodating to whoever I'm with. in the process I tend to lose who I am a little. I feel like I'm starting to be who I am again. I've rediscovered garbage, one of my favorite bands.
I've also noticed that I've pushed myself harder during my workouts. I don't have anyone to impress, other than my cat. but she only cares about food, litter box and attention. at this point I'm probably a little more cut than my previous max. I'm not entirely sure what's driving me to workout so intensely.
Work is frustrating. I don't have the right tools to do my job. the code that I'm working with barely has comments so reverse engineering about 10k lines of code is difficult, especially with no way to step through all that code. A lot of the code is repetitive as well. so I feel like I'm going in circles. naming conventions of a lot of code uses heavy abbreviations, so figuring out variable names is challenging. once I have the RIGHT tool it will help me to reverse engineer the program. almost everything that I've done, I reverse engineered from some tutorial or existing code. but this is a little ridiculous!!
Music: garbage - garbage & garbage - version 2.0
response to sexy
sexy, U seem like a relationship master (not really), but ultimately who are U to me? all I kno is that U stumbled onto my blog, most likely through some friend on facebook. what do U really know about me and my life outside of this blog? I have no idea who U are or what UR intensions are with UR reponses. the ones that truely know the story about my ex are the people that are really important in my life. co-workers, distant friends, parents, they only know that we broke up and can't be together again. cl is family, someone that I trust dearly and knows about 90% of the story. what I write on the blog UR looking at about 60% of the story. U write about me like U've been there next to me, but all I see is a nickname, an anonymous person lurking in the shadows. with all that, who are U to judge what I feel? especially since U said, there's no right or wrong. my feelings, my life, my blog.
my ex gave me a choice. be freinds and stop trying to get back together with her, or be gone from her life. I'm sorry, but she's with another guy. the last time I was over, his stuff was all over the place, shaving cream in the bathroom, laptop, ps3, tools, even a picture of the two of them on her iphone background. (I wasn't snooping, but I'm very observant). he's not going anywhere. could U be friends with an ex that did that? have someone partially move in 1 month after breaking up? maybe UR a stronger person than me, but I see that as a huge slap in my face. the more I think about it, the more I don't think I can forgive her. When I first learned about the other guy, I thought I could live with it, the happiness of just being with her again would overcome any doubt that I had, but the more I sit down and think about it, the more it hurt.
I've done what I could to try to win her back, I gave her no good reasons to continue to walk further away from me. which is why I can walk away now, I said everything I could. I'm an intense guy, so when I say something really I mean it. she's made her point clear. she doesn't want me anymore. I do take the experiences with her to heart. I'll cherish the good times and learn from the bad. Which is why I'm trying to change my life. so I won't make the same mistakes. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, sometimes big ones.
Even though I'm saying that UR opinion doesn't mean shit to me. I am trying to take it as constructive critisism. I am trying to write more without regard to others feelings. I'm tyring to learn from what I've done wrong in the past and make it better, I've done a lot of new things since. I plan on doing more to help me change. I'm trying to take the passion that I had and shift it to other areas of my life.
sexy, be nice to cl. I don't want to read another message like that again. people have their own opinions, but be respectful to people that important to my life. I don't care, U can comment whatever U want about me. I kno I have issues and need to be smacked to be woken up every now and then. if U really want to help, let's meet up and I'll tell U the whole story and we'll see what U say then.
Sexy post1 - Sexy post2
Mood: I'm curious as to who sexy is now.